Sing To Me!

So, this Christmas, Ben and I decided to take my little sister and his little brother on a little trip. Not just any trip, we went to cleveland, OH. "Ohio!?" You say. "Why would you take a boring trip to OHIO!?" Well let me tell you. We went to the best concert I, Elyse Lengel, has ever been to. The line up was as follows: Metro station (Medocre) Anberlin (Stunning) Mae (Good, not great) Motion city soundtrack (AMAZING). Anberlin was the fav. Going into this i was scared to get my hopes too high considering Anberlin has been topping my itunes play count for the last couple months and my expectations for his voice especially were sky high. I loved them. They were absolutely wonderful. This was motion city concert #2 and they blew us out of the water as usual.
In other words I strongly urge you, yes you, the reader to run to the nearest phone and get ticket master on the line. Seriously. Also I am in love with Anberlin. Yeah all 5 of them.

Call Me Red

It was my last day of work. Dont get me wrong i was sad, i had learned more from this job than any other and made close friends but on this particular night i wasn't happy. My final shift i was accompanied by two of my fellow employees, yet on this night they were feeling particularly lazy. they sat and chatted about their weekends leaving me to pick their slack. I was pissed. My body was sore and i had one last resident to help in to bed before i could sit down and finish folding laundry or do the last bit of paper work for the night. As i situated Joes blankets and adjusted his heating pad my bitterness got the best of me. I was tired and the injustice of the night made me want to walk out of this place for good. Joe, the night owl of the home smiled at me. Still a fairly new resident, made me unsure of his nightly routine. Ever since his first lunch at the home he affectionatly nicknamed me "Red". Whether the reason being my name is hard to remember or if its because my hair is what distinguished me from all the other caregivers, i accepted it. As Joe Pulled at his pillow he admits a roumor he has heard. "I heard you were getting married and leaving us." I was taken aback wondering how a resident could have possibly heard that i was quitting. I smiled at Joe asking his where he heard that. Seeming to ignore my question Joe continues to talk, i dont really remember specifics just that it was about his life, his job, his family, his younger years. I began to get impatient. Tapping my foot i tried to look interested even though my mind was a thousand different places. As he lay in his small twin bed tears trickled from his eyes and i was jerked back to reality. His words came back into focus in my mind. He was talking of his late wife. As a young bride to be his story of his wife and their love hit me hard. he looked at me suddenly and said "Love each other so much, red, dont ever be mad at each other for small things because you never know what could happen. be good to each other. I'm sad to see you go, but you're a good girl and i am proud to call you my nurse." The frail old man laying in the bed earnestly spoke these words. "Now get outta here, Red!" He said with a chuckle wiping his eyes. I caught a sob in my throatas i exited his room and walked slowly down the hall taking the time to listen to his words still ringing in my ears.

Taking the time to listen means the world to people and because they are over a certain age does not mean that changes. Guilt rides me still about the times that i didnt take the time to listen or i selfishly wanted to go home but i will never forget Joe's words to me. I will always remember Joe, he is a reason i love the elderly and i want to spend my life listening to them and letting them know they are not a burden. they are my window to God.

Squeeze From Me Every Last Drop!

It's funny that sometimes, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong and not only will it go wrong, it will happen within a weeks time.

This week in the life of the Lengels was interesting to say the least. At the beginig of this week it felt like Gods face had been turned from us and now we were forced to endure this thing called life alone. I got sick on Monday, which in turn prevents the week to progress like it normally should. The visit to the ER is unfriendly to the small pool of savings still intacted. At the beginning of this week we had no place to live as of next month. the apartment complex that we were setting our hopes on denied us. Flat out. No explination. DENIED in big red letters stamped accross our foreheads. We were stunned. The poor blue honda that has seen more than his fair share of wild life is on the decline which also screams for cash. along with fast approaching bills and purchases. Beginning this week, jobs were hard. Balance was hard. Relationships were hard.

Good thing this week is coming to a close! And with that i say CHEERS! We found an apartment as of yesterday, It's big and beautiful, better than our previous goal. Its cheap and its perfect. We say to ourselves there is no way we could have done this without God and as i would normally shy away from statements so bold, i will not hesitate to thank God for getting us through this week in one piece. Job issues are on the mend and attitudes have been changed.
We are both on the way to physical and emotional recovery from this draining week.

This Isn't Even Funny

So I have decided that grammar challenged musical artists make me want to shoot myself in the head.

For Example:

~"The most loneliest day of my life" sung badly by system of a down.
Correction- The loneliest day of my life. (period, where is gods name does the "most" come from???)

~"You like me just the way i are" sung by Timberland.
Correction- You like me just the way i am (I understand your a rapper, but seriously that just makes me sick!)

~"I know i have to be right now cause i cant get much wronger." Sung by Kanye west
Correction- Wronger?! Need i say more.

I'm Finally Growing Down

As of right now, in this moment, I'm content. Content with what i have accomplished today, content with my plans for tomorrow, even excited for what next year holds.

I'm a youth. I dont plan on pretending i know everything about life or relationships or anything for that matter. I'm so increadibly unstable. so naive. A negative statement, but really not. We got married young. Some tried to talk us out of it because we are young and undeniable stupid when it comes to how things work in life. But i've found it to be an amazing thing. I get to grow up, grow stable, grow wise with the man i love. Security is overrated. I'm flexible. there is no reason to settle down.

On another note, i believe i may be looking younger as time progresses. Maybe it's the hair or something, but lately i have been getting "What, you're married??!!" and "I thought you were like 16!" And the ever popular "do youre parents know where you are?" I have to say i have enjoyed it very much.

Scrantonicity

Michigan football sucks.

Work is lets say- miserable. I hesitate to blog because it makes me sound like a complainer but seriously, i have never met so many unfriendly, unhelpful, mean people in all my life as i have met here. I want a new job.... that is in the process of happening. ybhtubu

I get to go out to a nice resturant tonight..... i'm excited.

Hopefully go shopping too.

Blah blah blah

So, we dont have internet at out house anymore.... you could call it a technical malfunction that cant be corrected..... or you could call it no longer being able to free load off of our neighbors wifi..... Call it what you will but we just call it sucky. Needless to say we make frequent trips to panera.

I started work today. I love it. Working with the elderly again is refreshing. It's been 2 months and i missed it more than the normal person would understand. So it may sound cliche, but i feel like thats what i was made to do. Ben makes fun of me for it but i want to give all the old people in the world a hug. I want to listen to them and let them know that they arent forgotten. That even though this stupid country treats them like nuisances, i care and other people do too, and they are valued individuals.

Anyways, life is good, it's so exciting getting a schedule and knowing Ben;s schedule.... i dont feel in the dark anymore and that's refreshing.

Vaccines For The Uninsured?

Cynicalness- it's a disease. A disease that creeps into every inch of your being. Pretty soon you wish there was a vaccine that took care of the scepticality that runs rampid infecting everything you once believed. When did christianity become that for me?

To keep something straight, this has nothing to do with God, i'm not mad at him, i don't blame him for anything i'm about to write, i still want God, but i want GOD.

God. Not the churches view of this being that wants to save people by getting them to say this prayer so that they will someday float off to a fairytale land ignoring the fact that they dont have enough food for tomorrow.

I've done that, i've listened to them, listened to the guy who made us feel guilty and like a dissapointment to God if we passed a person on the street without giving them a tract. I've been in that boat when i was so scared to question what i believe in fear of angering God and being damned to hell so fast i wouldnt know what hit me. Hell is scary. Telling kids they are going to go to hell if they dont believe this, and say this, and vote this way is effin scary. What do you think they are going to do?

I have recently discovered a hidden adgenda in these christians, they want to save you.

Do they want to love you? Sure but only until you say the prayer of salvation and then your on your way to find God alone.... that cant be right!!!!!!

I'm frusterated.

The idea is to love, to be a family for those that need it. To help, to recognize a need and meeting that need. why are "sinners" (Well, i didnt know what other word to use,, what i mean is the unchurched, the people that *GASP* smoke..... or drink alcohol or .......... drum roll please..... Are homosexual. oh god not them!! any body but them!! Please, they are just hurting people.) rejected. Why are they labeled as the outsiders when they are the people Jesus loved. Those are the people we need to wrap in our arms and SHOW THEM we love them.

WHY ISNT THE CHURCH DOING ANYTHING!!!!! Stop saving people's souls and love one or two!!


So this is what leaves me hearing a worship song and thinking, yeah right, those people singing it dont mean it. All those words they say dont mean much because things don't match up. This is why i hate church talk. I hate the typical prayers prayed. I hate the church.




God, I need help.

So frusterating. I've found that i dont like to write about negative things i'm feeling anymore. Why? i'm not quit sure, Maybe it's because then i have to feel it all over again. I wont do it. Even in a journal i have a very hard time writing about anything that goes deeper than the surface. Such a change from even a year ago. Writing used to be my life, it used to be my place to vent, a place where i can feel whatever i am feeling no matter if it's "right" or not. I dont know what to do. I guess this is a start, huh?

I wish i could be content with where i am. I'm really not. No matter where i am.

More later